Clash of the Titans

The next few weeks will prove to be interesting, of that I am guaranteed.  I have been advised by someone well-versed in the subject of short-term and long-term disability matters how various scenarios play out.  The irony?  At a certain point, the patient begins to have little to do with the outcome.  As it stands, there are theoretically three parties; however, only two parties are currently playing.  It is rather like a game of hearts when your partner decides to ‘go it alone’.  You, the patient, sit at the table and wait until the cards have been played.

Party One:  The Employer  . . . Has been given information that states unequivocally that I should not be allowed to return to work at all.  Ever.  End of discussion.  The employer has motivation to see the employed (myself) return to work so that some reason can be given to dismiss me upon my return.  Yes, we all know there are federal guidelines in place to protect the employee from being dismissed for a medical condition.  Employers also have other means of displacing such employees.  Am I afraid?  Given the times I saw this played out before my very eyes, I certainly believe there is cause for great concern.  Nothing is gained, however, by predicting a negative future.  As stated previously, I am not a player in the game currently.  Certainly it is to the employer’s advantage financially to have me return to work, however.  This provides the opportunity for a dismissal of employment rather than a long-term disability payout.

How did I reach this point?  I really thought I was going to be gone for a few weeks. . .

Party Two:  The Medical Providers . . . Have built a case for why any further considerations regarding a return to work are out of the question.  It will not happen, I will never be a viable employee for them.  The unspoken words practically scream out, ‘please stop wasting my time and just accept that you have a LTD employee on your hands.’  That is certainly an understandable position as well.

So the cat and mouse game has begun.  We will see how long it goes on.  No one has very much time left on their hands.  And I am sitting there at the card table, just watching the game being played out before me, unable to affect its outcome in any direction at this point.

I never saw it coming.

Is LOA designed to make you sicker or get well?

My whole experience with LOA has been one that I can honestly say I hope I never have to go through again.  As I have stated, I never imagined I would be gone such a long time.  I do know that I would never have made it without a family member to help me.

Everything has a purpose, but there really should be a better system.  Some of it is federal regulation, some is clearly company policy.  All of it is annoying to those who are sick and to the healthcare providers who do a lot of work & are not financially reimbursed for it.  You can say thank you, but some days it seems to go in one ear and out the other.

Mountains of paperwork, a specific number of days to fill it all out, employees who ‘don’t think it’s their job’ and could care less if I lose my job if they don’t fill it out on time.  Stress?  Stress is knowing that if it isn’t completed & returned on time, you just lost all those benefits.  I wonder if the parties involved would like to pay my hospital bills or provide a paycheck.  Through begging, pleading, and literally sitting outside in the lobby (not me), the paperwork was rushed to arrive at the final hour.  I am thinking that did not help with my initial physical healing, but we aren’t supposed to hold on to those things.  I think I am a little frustrated over that because of an appointment yesterday with a physician scratching their head, asking why this has been such a severe attack.  And he doesn’t know about the things going on internally.

I then wait to see if it has been approved.  They have an allotted number of days, and you are to be notified in a specific manner.  In fact, in two very specific manners.  One is through your local office.  They ‘forgot’.  Yes, that is the word that was used.  Forgot.  Then I would learn that everything I had signed up for the previous year as options to come out of my paycheck keep coming out.  Everything.  Because we had so much mandatory overtime & I had a ton of deductions, my paycheck was now 1/3 of what it was before. 

Until my STD was approved, I had to call in sick every day.  If I missed one day, it was over.  No job.  So every day that the medical office delayed turning in my paperwork, I had to get up at a very early hour to notify them of what they already knew ~ I wouldn’t be there that day.  My SO (to remain anonymous) was out of town or trying to keep the kitchen stocked with food that I could prepare myself during the day.  Pay bills, maintain all household responsibilities, take me anywhere I needed to go (I still haven’t driven anywhere yet).  It was suggested that he make the calls.  Yes, he needed one more thing to do.  Wait, no he didn’t.

I think I started resting about the 4th week.  Just in time for my first followup appointment.

Therapy is supposed to improve things, right?

I don’t know even now where things went so wrong.  We always follow the same plan of treatment, and it always works.  Sometimes it takes a little longer than other times, but this was crazy.  I could not walk.  I could not stand on my own two legs. After very little time, my own therapist temporarily discontinued appointments.  I didn’t know until some time later that we actually resumed things because of my strong desire to get stronger so I could return to work.

I finally asked one day what her assessment was of the situation.  She said we were not accomplishing anything, that she felt I was best served to be resting at home, and to address it with my physician at my next appointment.  I think she thought she had just dropped a bomb on me.  Of course one does not disappear from their own physical body, although I suppose there are those who mentally check out of reality.  I am not the type, however.  I have been told that I can be way too blunt, and that may be true.  I am most blunt with myself.  I was not shocked by the question.  It was the reason I had asked in the first place. 

I think my therapist does a wonderful job, as we have worked together for many years off and on.  I had questions about continuing a path of the same exercises I had been doing way back when while inpatient at the hospital.  I felt it was poor use of everyone’s time.  She merely confirmed it.  I will take the truth any day, as long as you state it nicely enough and not mixed in half-truths.  So that was the end of therapy.  We agreed I would discuss it at the next appointment, and she would send progress notes to my physician.