HIPAA

Suffice it to say I have spent a fair amount of time having to know about HIPAA rules.  Furthermore, my employer puts a higher priority on it than most.  So I was assured throughout this process that all of my information was so confidential. . . ergo, the reason I have been so evasive during these posts.  Doesn’t make sense?  I didn’t believe them!

Whaddaya know?  I was right.  Information missing, vital information, and it is revealed to me by a slip of the tongue just exactly how it might have gotten lost.  Now, you either have all that information kept at your own desk for your eyes only ~ or you don’t.  Some questions are just black and white.

As my SO stated so eloquently last night upon this discovery, the parties involved probably wouldn’t realize that we would very likely know coworkers who could be walking around with all of my medical information.  We grew up in the backyard of my employer.

Now, this is not a violation of HIPAA.  Not whatsoever.  However, I have been told since the day I began working here how very protected my medical information is.  I work  there, and we are all human. Mistakes happen.  Papers get dropped when carried from office to office, etc.  But that is not what was told to me.  I asked point blank about the ‘rabbit trail’ of paperwork, and was told it went directly to the intended person.  No shortcuts.  It is my nature to begin questioning a lot of things when the little things start having holes in the story.  A dam doesn’t break overnight, but generally has pressure building over time.

Can I control this?  No.  Am I happy about it?  No.  Does it encourage open & forthcoming communication from me?  No.  By my very nature I cannot lie.  My face literally distorts when I even try to deceive someone.  I work very hard to find something positive to say when I am asked my opinion about something, and I have to come up with something that won’t utterly destroy a person who has just made a major decision.  Please don’t ask me! 

On the other hand, when I am the recipient of such situations I am going to put my guard up.  I will give others the benefit of the doubt all day until they give me reason to do otherwise.  Then I am likely to reveal as little about myself as I absolutely must.  For clarification of matters, this is hardly the first time this has occurred, but I did feel for a long time that I had some trust built up with one of the parties involved.  Others in the company definitely are not so compelled towards honesty. 

It is a character trait that I put at the top of my list when evaluating every person I come in contact with.  Is this a one-time situation because you are uncomfortable, or is this part of how you would be described?  There is a major difference between the two situations because to assign persistent lying as a character trait in someone who is in behaving in an unusual situational manner is a rush to judgment.  Soon you would find fault with everyone, and no one could measure up. 

We all have standards by which we judge people.  Hard for some people to admit, but it is true.  Sometimes it is by things that are beyond a person’s control, which is fairly defined as bigotry.  Sometimes it is based, as we are seeing, purely on a person’s political beliefs.  I am being honest ~ ha! ~ by saying this is probably the top critera factor by which I evaluate a person.  What is yours?

 

TENS Units

I am trying so hard to manage the level of pain I have.  I come up with a theory on what I am doing that causes the pain, when to try various things, and I think I just have my act soooooo together.  Oh to be so wise.

My physical therapist felt it was best to give things a rest for some time, which makes sense when looking at the big picture.  I took a break, and after about a week that seemed like the solution.  Soon I found the TENS unit was working wonders!  I even began using it proactively, thinking I could ward off the pain before it hit.  Take the pain medication, follow up immediately with the TENS unit, and it’s going to be a great day!

That worked great.  For several days.  Then, it didn’t.  In fact, it failed miserably.  A family member described it rather like a mild roller coaster with slow slopes up and down to express the improvement and setbacks.  A good visual example.  The big question is, am I getting better?

I reassessed things again.  The oddity that I am, I always loved exercise. In fact, anything physical.  So I went back to what was familiar.  Work the muscles one day, then give them a day of rest, then push them a little more the next day.  Good plan, works under normal conditions.  Well, the story every day is. . . I’m not normal!

I’m going to resting in peace.  I spent the morning moving my TENS unit around in conjunction with my pain medication.  I am having a lot of pain in my  neck, which i believe is because I don’t use my wheelchair to turn to people to speak to them.  I’m also not on the same level with them, height-wise.  I knew if I didn’t change my ways it would catch up with me. 

That is my own little secret that I am not sharing because I am really tired of therapy & all the medical stuff right now.  Okay, truthfully, I am at that point in the day when my medicine is making me really, really sick so what comes out right now may not represent where I am at attitude-wise for the rest of the day.  I just want to make some behavioral modifications, adjust what I can with regards to any DME equipment available to me, and move on. 

Quite honestly, I want a shower but my phone & emails have come at me with an onslaught all morning long. . . for 4 hours now and counting.  I generally can get myself ready in about 1.5 to 2 hrs.  When I have to do the full shower, etc. ~ everything ~ it is about 3 hrs. 

On a day like today, I don’t think anything could save me. I could not answer my phone or respond to emails, but then people rightfully ask how it is that I am at home recuperating and yet not available.  It’s a fair question.  If someone has a better solution than this, I would love to know what it is.  I am feeling flooded right now by attempts to manage the necessary affairs of my LOA, managing my pain, and wanting to be mentally sharp rather than be so constantly dulled by the medication.  I have been on it way too long for this to still be such a factor.  I think I’m a wuss!!

Is LOA designed to make you sicker or get well?

My whole experience with LOA has been one that I can honestly say I hope I never have to go through again.  As I have stated, I never imagined I would be gone such a long time.  I do know that I would never have made it without a family member to help me.

Everything has a purpose, but there really should be a better system.  Some of it is federal regulation, some is clearly company policy.  All of it is annoying to those who are sick and to the healthcare providers who do a lot of work & are not financially reimbursed for it.  You can say thank you, but some days it seems to go in one ear and out the other.

Mountains of paperwork, a specific number of days to fill it all out, employees who ‘don’t think it’s their job’ and could care less if I lose my job if they don’t fill it out on time.  Stress?  Stress is knowing that if it isn’t completed & returned on time, you just lost all those benefits.  I wonder if the parties involved would like to pay my hospital bills or provide a paycheck.  Through begging, pleading, and literally sitting outside in the lobby (not me), the paperwork was rushed to arrive at the final hour.  I am thinking that did not help with my initial physical healing, but we aren’t supposed to hold on to those things.  I think I am a little frustrated over that because of an appointment yesterday with a physician scratching their head, asking why this has been such a severe attack.  And he doesn’t know about the things going on internally.

I then wait to see if it has been approved.  They have an allotted number of days, and you are to be notified in a specific manner.  In fact, in two very specific manners.  One is through your local office.  They ‘forgot’.  Yes, that is the word that was used.  Forgot.  Then I would learn that everything I had signed up for the previous year as options to come out of my paycheck keep coming out.  Everything.  Because we had so much mandatory overtime & I had a ton of deductions, my paycheck was now 1/3 of what it was before. 

Until my STD was approved, I had to call in sick every day.  If I missed one day, it was over.  No job.  So every day that the medical office delayed turning in my paperwork, I had to get up at a very early hour to notify them of what they already knew ~ I wouldn’t be there that day.  My SO (to remain anonymous) was out of town or trying to keep the kitchen stocked with food that I could prepare myself during the day.  Pay bills, maintain all household responsibilities, take me anywhere I needed to go (I still haven’t driven anywhere yet).  It was suggested that he make the calls.  Yes, he needed one more thing to do.  Wait, no he didn’t.

I think I started resting about the 4th week.  Just in time for my first followup appointment.

More reasons not to be . . . wasting away in Margaritaville

And how could I forget?  We have had flowering trees blooming everywhere for weeks on end.  It is like a rainbow of color absolutely exploding.  Then all the birdhouses & feeders.  We purposely set out a bluebird house that we could watch from our bathroom window, years ago.  I have watched the entire mating season.  It has been incredible.  Cardinals, bluejays, martins, way too many to mention.

Did I mention how much I love nature?  Nature and landscaping.  Years ago we had begun a formal design outside the back views of the house, and it is just an incredible sight.  I have missed so much of it because I was working.  This time has truly been a priviledge to have at home.

Last week at church I was so impressed to have God show me if I was wasting my time.  In fact, more than that.  Was I using it in the manner He would have me to use it?  If we lived in some kind of perfect world, we would examine our lives daily to see if we were living it to our fullest potential and greatest fulfillment.  As that is not reality, it is still a goal that I think is good to examine periodically for oneself.  No one can answer that question for you.  And it takes brutal honesty sometimes.

We met a wonderful family man once on a family vacation who openly revealed how much he despised his job.  I couldn’t believe it!  I barely knew him, but I asked him why he chose to spend 1/3 of his life doing something he so intensely disliked.  He then reviewed the amount of time he spent traveling, and it was significantly more time than that.  I didn’t know what I had stirred in him.  We met at the same location, same week in July, the following year.  He looked like a totally different man.  He had chosen to pursue his dream ~ and his entire family came running up to thank me.  Well, he was the brave one.  I just started yapping before I thought about it! : )

I am thankful for the experiences I have had, some that others think I should despise.  They have made me stronger, more determined to focus on what is truly important.  I know some people will never buy into that.  I feel sorry for them.  I see the struggle inside them, but I can’t fix it for them.  Some will listen when they ask how you handle the situation, and appreciate it.  Others are dismissive, and that is okay.  God gives us baby steps to learn His path is the easy way.  We can choose to follow it, or not.  Then, He may throw in a few more challenges, but He will keep trying.  It’s His nature.  And it’s our choice.  And no, that doesn’t mean that every challenge you face in life is discipline from God.  That’s another topic. . .

So why am I not bored, or worse?

I confess I am not normal.  Really.  We were in the process of moving before this had happened, and had boxed up every book we owned, sparing one or two.  We don’t have cable or satellite on our t.v.  We don’t live within driving distance of any family.  I was used to a very busy, hectic life that I really liked.  I like to challenge myself.  So why wasn’t I losing my mind when I had no way to get anywhere (totally unable to drive), and unable even to get out of our house to the mailbox?  What can I say, I really like my own company.

I was focused from day one on maintaining & improving things for an easy return back to work.  I worked on things to force myself to participate in exercises that made me think.  In fact, I didn’t even watch regular t.v. that was available.  One day I did watch a movie we had at home that was already rented.  I got bored & turned it off.  I don’t know what I will be doing if this is the same story a year from now, but it just isn’t my style to nap during the day, watch the soaps, or feel sorry for myself & eat more when I can’t work it off.

I couldn’t reach the counter tops in the kitchen, so we rearranged things.  I soon learned to always keep a towel with me because I spilled a lot.  I have cut my coffee drinking in half without any effort whatsoever.  As I got stronger, I learned how to scrub toilets from a wheelchair.  If you get creative, there are a gazillion gadgets to help you clean from a sitting perspective.  The ceilings actually got vacuumed because I finally had time.  Now, to be fair, I usually had the energy to do maybe one of these things at most per day.  Maybe two per week if it wasn’t such a great week.  But I am really not good at sitting still.  Besides, books just hurt my eyes & were very hard to concentrate on reading anyway.

Then spring came!  By now I had a way out of the house, too.  It really is all about attitude.  Some days I would just enjoy sitting outside.  Some days I would have someone pick me up some flowers to plant, and a few dollars’ worth of flowers would be enough to keep me happy without getting me worn out.

One day I got really, really, really brave.  I had had a few days when I could walk a long enough distance in the house that I got myself worn out, and really wasn’t thinking so clearly.  So I determined I was strong enough to walk the four steps down our deck to go to a bench in the backyard.  I hadn’t done any steps in months!  And of course, what goes down must come up in this case.  That hurt.  A lot.  But it was beautiful!

I think at the end of it all, no one can give you peace.  The peace that passes all understanding.  The peace that someone who doesn’t believe in Christianity will mock.  And that is okay with me.  I have heard it before, and I don’t believe that forcing my beliefs down someone’s throat is the way to approach them.  But there is a place for me that says, ‘I would not choose to be here right now, I am working not to remain here if I can change my circumstances in any way, and in the waiting period I know that God is working on my behalf in ways I cannot see, and He has better things planned for me than I could ever imagine.’  I guess when it is the core of your values, it really doesn’t offend you what others have to say about your belief system.  It doesn’t me, anyway, because it is the only thing in my life that is unwavering. 

Therapy is supposed to improve things, right?

I don’t know even now where things went so wrong.  We always follow the same plan of treatment, and it always works.  Sometimes it takes a little longer than other times, but this was crazy.  I could not walk.  I could not stand on my own two legs. After very little time, my own therapist temporarily discontinued appointments.  I didn’t know until some time later that we actually resumed things because of my strong desire to get stronger so I could return to work.

I finally asked one day what her assessment was of the situation.  She said we were not accomplishing anything, that she felt I was best served to be resting at home, and to address it with my physician at my next appointment.  I think she thought she had just dropped a bomb on me.  Of course one does not disappear from their own physical body, although I suppose there are those who mentally check out of reality.  I am not the type, however.  I have been told that I can be way too blunt, and that may be true.  I am most blunt with myself.  I was not shocked by the question.  It was the reason I had asked in the first place. 

I think my therapist does a wonderful job, as we have worked together for many years off and on.  I had questions about continuing a path of the same exercises I had been doing way back when while inpatient at the hospital.  I felt it was poor use of everyone’s time.  She merely confirmed it.  I will take the truth any day, as long as you state it nicely enough and not mixed in half-truths.  So that was the end of therapy.  We agreed I would discuss it at the next appointment, and she would send progress notes to my physician.

No ordinary day

You think you know how a day is going to go.  I really don’t remember much of those early days.  I do remember being required to attend the doctor’s visit & not being well enough to drive.  In fact, I’m not sure if I was walking.  Doesn’t matter.  To me, I was being compliant & following through on my employer’s request, nothing more.  By now, I anticipated this being a 2-weeker.  I do recall being quite nauseous on the drive to the medical facility, and calling it being ’sea-sick’.  We discussed what was the likely scenario ahead of us.  Medication at home, rest, and we agreed back to work in 2 weeks. Very doable.  I could live with that.

That was not the end of the story.  I am not sure either of us is so great at assessing my medical condition.  He likes to deny things because it can become too painful, and I ~ well, I’m obviously ill.  No family nearby to see the obvious.  In fact, our family seems to be shrinking all the time.  I think that they are so used to the situation by now that it is old hat to them anyway.  This started out to be that way for me.  Until the appointment.

I soon learned I got to use up my annual deductible on another trip to the hospital.  Something was up because it was my longest stay ever.  We did funky tests of which the purpose for them were never explained to me.  I was perhaps too tired to care to ask at the time.  I still thought I would be back to work in no time.

Some therapy was scheduled, but it didn’t even begin for another week after my discharge.  Clearly I wasn’t thinking well, as I thought we should just dive right in. 

I’m not really that sick, I promise

As I am still on LOA and my future employment is very much in the hands of everyone else, I am at this point not mentioning dates & specific facts lest my employer use this somehow against me.  As they say, it isn’t paranoia if it’s real!

We were having a typical weekend, preparing for our social function, when IT happened.  IT being the knowing that I am getting sick.  Now, sometimes I have to wait a few days & find out I am just a little tired.  I had been living for the weekend for months, but could no longer put my body back in order by Monday at this point.  Six months of mania had passed, and I had personally had several minor infections.  With me, however, no infection is minor & I had acted on the matter post haste.

Now it was a lovely weekend, and I knew.  Not only did I know, I knew it was a Big One.  Not only did I know it was a Big One, I already knew I would be calling in sick the following week.  This is from someone who thinks that calling in sick is a generally wimpy thing to do.  I had come in many days with more symptoms than anyone could care to imagine, and I found my coping skills to be nothing short of miraculous.  I also survived listening to The Whiner talk endlessly about her allergies.  Now, I believe very honestly that God will not give you more than you can handle, so apparently this individual who is in her 50’s can’t handle very much.  Give it a rest, already!  I’m over here typing with one hand & waiting all day to use the bathroom because I can’t walk that far to the bathroom more than once in a day.  But I digress. . .

I even contacted my physician to let him know that I was having a setback, but it was not a big deal.  I can’t remember how I figured out that if I was going to be gone more than a certain # of days it would turn into LOA.  Thankfully I learned that quckly, a case manager was assigned, and I was told to make an appointment with my physician asap. Darn it!  I thought I had gotten out of that visit quite nicely, thank you very much.

My Last Day at Work

I am writing this after a considerable amount of time off.  I recall commenting to a coworker the day prior about some weekend plans, which is very rare for me.  I have some hints of my personal life that indicate my life is uber-swell.  It is.  Painfully too swell for some around me, and to discuss how well life goes for me sometimes would be a tad annoying for those who had to endure listening to it. . . as long as that was the only side they ever heard.  That particular weekend we had some big plans, and the coworker & I had engaged in a conversation that revealed part of my personality and general financial condition that I generally choose not to let others see.  Lift others up, don’t make them feel defeated. 

I was surrounded by people who had either made poor choices in life or felt they had been dealt a raw deal in life.  I believe that life is what you make of it.  I’ve watched family members squander away money that others could only dream of having one day, and I’ve seen other family members rejoice that someone came to visit them.  I call it an Attitude of Gratitude.

Needless to say, no one at my office had a hint that I had a chronic illness except for a few individuals that it was necessary to inform.  I was doing well physically, thankful for a job that I truly loved, and expected to retire there.  I was looking forward to the weekend, as the months upon months of overtime were wearing me out.  Many people had had all kinds of illnesses, as one would expect.  I found symptoms building slowing over time, felt I was managing them within the confines necessary to maintain my employment, but the demands kept building each month.

Nevertheless, I left on a Friday with who knows what at my desk.  We aren’t a company that gets worked up over personal security, although there is a place to lock items up.  I would do that if I knew I weren’t returning for many months.  As it was, I don’t remember anything about the last time I left work.

Hello world!

So why did I start writing this blog?  Do I have something to contribute that someone else in the universe hasn’t already written?  I hope so!  The title of my blog should be an indicator. . .

I was diagnosed with a chronic illness many years ago (which I think I will disclose at a later date) that has always been manageable.  Manageable meaning I could drive, care for my family, I either worked or volunteered (should have been working to earn SS income credits, but that is for another post), but always keeping busy.

I had taken a position with a major employer.  Little did I know.  Within a few months of my arrival, one of their chief officers made national news.  He continues to do so, and it’s been a long time.  Can you say ‘featured on 20/20′ and the likes?  I thought it had nothing to do with me.  We had a transition of leadership; every company does.  It rolled right off my back.

I’ve always been the curious type, so I thought one day as the news about our company was mounting daily that perhaps I would add a post, per Google, to be notified every time they made the news. hmmm. . . Enlightening.  At the same time, you could feel the pressure mounting in our little office, far away from headquarters, like a boiling pot.  Long-time employees demoted far beneath their level of experience or relieved of duties because their position was no longer needed.  One month of mandatory overtime for other employees turned into. . . I don’t know.  That is where my story began.

I loved my job.  Everyone, I mean everyone, around me told me how much they dislike their job.  Openly, in front of managers.  Supervisors said it regularly.  Any cheerleaders we had had all had long left the football field to head to the coffee pot to commisserate together.  The oldtimers (those who had stuck it out for 3 yrs or more) would say it had always been bad, but this was the worst.  Me?  I felt like it was the job designed for me since the day I was born.  Coworkers would call me a brown-noser, and I didn’t care.  I wanted to work there forever.  My boss didn’t exactly love me, but MB (to rename the individual) didn’t seem to like a lot of people.  MB’s personal life was a complete mess, so i never took it personally.

Then the day came. . .